How did we get here?
by SliverOfPain
Summary: An AU story that depicts the ups and downs of Karma and Amy's relationship. What happens to Karma when she loses the only person she's ever loved?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story and I haven't really written in a long time so please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors. This is an AU story and doesn't follow cannon at all.**  
 **Disclaimer: None of the Faking It characters are mine.  
**

Chapter 1

Present Day

(Karma POV)

"18 years...and now what do I do, how do I figure out what my future looks without her by my side?" I cry into my pillow while my cocker spaniel Henry looks at me with sympathetic eyes. He hasn't left my side for hours and has watched as I slowly unraveled after what I know is my final conversation with Amy. Memories have flashed though my mind with aching speed. Amy and I swapping letters in Mr Nick's history class, picking out our prom dresses and being so excited to look like grown ups, the first time we kissed in her bed, the fight we had in my car that turned into a marathon make out session, cooking for her birthday and surprising her with a new camera and the look of adoration she gave me, and lastly the fights we had after I lied to her...

I read the last message she sent me, "Karma, stop calling and trying to contact me. We're over and I ask that you respect that. I hope you will be happy and that you can work through your issues. Goodbye" I have read it countless times, it's burnt into my brain and yet I still can't accept that it's over. For so long we have been Karma and Amy, I think that's half the problem. I don't know how to be just Karma anymore. If the person who loved me wouldn't stay...who in their right mind would want to? I don't know how to deal with pain so I do what I've been trained to do, I pick up my laptop and start typing my thoughts.

Dear Amy, I have no intention of sending this to you but if I could I'd like to start at the beginning to explain and ask for your forgiveness.

"We didn't really have the most auspicious start and I certainly would never have imagined that you would be the only person I've ever really loved. You were a nerdy 8 year old with braces and bad hair, I was thin and gangly. We were an odd pair, always fighting and making up as young girls often do. But we had a genuine fondness for each other and always had each others backs and that never changed over the next 18 years. I watched you grow up and date Clinton, Adam, Andrew and eventually Felix. You watched me date Bryan, obsess over Liam and be silly with Sean. I watched as you buried your grandmother and father, rebuilt your relationship with your Mom and half sisters Lauren and Jamie . We drifted apart somewhat after high school, the thrill of college and new experiences meant we hardly ever saw each other except to grab a quick cup of coffee between classes occasionally. We met to celebrate your 21st birthday, you got so drunk we had to pull you off the table when you decided you had to dance to FloRida (who you hate!). After college you followed your heart and became a teacher, and I mine by becoming a journalist for the Austin Tribune. You had met Felix in college and you had an easy relationship that always seemed drama free, you were happy and so was I being single and traveling around the country chasing down whatever story I was writing at the time. We kept in touch via email and facebook, we were good friends but nothing more. That is till the day I got a message from you that would change both of our lives, and we didn't even know it.

 _Hi Karms_

 _I have no idea where you are right now but I could really use a friend. Jamie has been diagnosed with Leukemia...and it's not looking good for her. The Doctors caught it really late :'( Please give me call if or when you can"_

 _Love Amy_

 **So that's chapter 1 please let me know what you think, and if the story should be continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

 _I'm sorry but this chapter is a bit dark, but it will get better I promise._

 _4 years ago_

When I saw your email I had just walked out of court, I'd been covering a political case in Washington D.C. My heart broke for you and your family, Jamie was your youngest sister and she was the life of any party and you adored her. You were never jealous of her or Lauren who was a few months younger than you, the product of your Dad leaving your Mom before she knew she was pregnant and having a whole new family by the time you were born. I guess that's because you always had space in your heart for love and couldn't handle conflict. I hadn't seen you in almost a year but I knew I had to be there for you, just as I knew you'd be there for me. I asked my editor if I could come back home and he grudgingly let me, I took the first flight I could and typed out a quick reply to you saying I'd see you soon.

The day I arrived it was a cool, crisp spring morning and I remember buttoning up my coat as I walked into the hospital, I didn't know what to expect but I'll never forget your face when I saw you. Your blonde hair was in a messy bun, your face looked sickly pale and your green eyes were puffy from all the crying you'd obviously been doing. I wrapped you in the tightest hug I could and asked if there was anything I could do, you mumbled no and said I could come in to say hi to Jamie if I wanted to. I never told you how apprehensive I was, dealing with sickness was not something I had done before. I followed you in and to me she was a shell of the person I remember. Her hair was limp and her face puffy from the medication, but what was worse was the anger that was palpable around her. She was angry and scared, I mumbled my hello's and tried hard not to be so awkward. I didn't want to overstay my welcome so I left after a few minutes but agreed to meet you at your place that evening.

I stressed for hours over what to bring to your apartment, should I get you cake? You loved cake, or wine more appropriate? Your sister being sick is definitely something to drink over so wine it was. So armed with 2 bottles of red I knocked on your door and immediately saw the tears you'd so bravely kept in around your family. All I did that night was hold you as you cried and vented your anger at your sister being the one to get that horrible disease. After drinking a bottle and a half of wine I was in no state to go home, so you let me crash in your spare bedroom. That quickly became our routine, you'd spend your days at the hospital and me at work covering local news. Then at night I'd visit and you'd let out all your emotions. Sometimes Felix would be there, he was a good guy but he didn't know what to do or say because he was really close to Jamie and it was hurting him just as much. You complained that he was distant and didn't seem to be able to cope with your pain.

When your sister passed away a month after I arrived it was almost a blur of activity, but I remember you were so stoic at the funeral, like a porcelain statue. Dressed head to toe in purple her favourite colour, you never shed a tear. I don't think you ever really dealt with Jamie's passing, you put it in a box and hardly ever mentioned her again except on the anniversary of her death. Maybe if you had dealt with it things might have been different...

After Jamie you were understandably depressed and things with Felix weren't going well either, you were both hurting and lashed out at each other. I tried to help best I could but you seemed to be drowning under all your emotions. Even though I tried to be there for you, you would get angry because I was still traveling and there were times when you felt so lonely. I stayed over as often as I could and now instead of sleeping in the guest room I'd sleep with you and hold you when you had nightmares. The further you got from Felix, the closer we became and he resented it. When you broke up with him because you found out he'd kissed a mutual friend you barely even cried. It was over and had been for ages.

I think I can pinpoint the minute I started to have feelings for you. I'd gone on a break to Miami and got a drunken message from you. You'd gone to a party and hooked up with my high school ex, Liam" The jealousy that washed over me was all consuming and I didn't understand if I was angry because it was you touching Liam or him touching you...


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry this next chapter took so long, I wrote it and then somehow deleted it. This story is also very personal and it's hard to get out sometimes 'cause it brings back memories.**

CHAPTER 3

Amy, as soon as I heard your voice mail I went out and got drunk, the kind of drunk that makes you wish you'd have died the next day because everything hurts and even rolling over feels like a hundred knives stabbing you. I still couldn't wrap my head around you and Liam, it made me sick to my stomach and not just because of the hangover. My mind was racing, were you and him going to be a thing now? Or was this just a one time thing like you said. I couldn't bring myself to answer any of your calls or messages, I needed time...but I still couldn't figure out why. The rest of the holiday was a blur, nothing could distract me from what I knew I'd be coming to. I half expected you to be waiting for me at the airport but to my relief ( and partial disappointment ) you weren't, nor were you at my apartment. It was a good to be home but when the door bell rang it really was the last place I wanted to be. When I opened the door you looked awful, your hair was in a raggedy ponytail and it looked (and smelled) like you hadn't changed clothes in a few days.

"You didn't answer my calls or messages" you whimpered, I didn't really know what to say so I just sat down on the couch and finally let the tears come. You tried to reach for me to comfort me but I flinched, I just couldn't handle you being so close to me. You tried to explain that you and him were drunk and it was meaningless and all you could think of after was me and how you'd betrayed me. You promised you'd do anything to make things better between us and begged me not to shut you out. I listened in silence while you spoke, I had no energy once the tears finally stopped so I just closed my eyes and tried to take in everything you said. You said you'd never see or speak to Liam again and in spite of everything that had happened, I believed you. I always believed you...

It took a long time before our friendship recovered from that, our trust was broken and honestly I was afraid of the jealousy I felt after hearing you'd slept with someone else. We went back to our Netflix Friday nights at my place and taco Tuesday's at yours and Lauren's new place. It was good to have her around at times, her proximity meant that the tension that I sometimes felt around you was minimised. Yes she was inappropriate and bossy but that girl knew how make a good taco! I'm not sure when the sleepovers started again but it felt comfortable having you in my space again. I remember the one night it was unseasonably cold and you wrapped your arms around my waist to pull me closer. I couldn't sleep properly after that and just listened to you breathe and enjoyed the comfort you provided. I was drifting to sleep when you put your hand under my pyjama top, just above my belly button. All the air rushed from my lungs, and my nerves were on fire. I knew you weren't awake so after keeping still for ages I decided to reciprocate and see if you'd do anything. My heart was pounding ( what if you woke up and got angry?), my first touch of your skin was intoxicating, you were so soft and smooth. You were so unlike every guy I'd ever touched. I left my hand there on your stomach afraid to move and inch, you however sighed in your sleep and pulled me closer. That's how we slept that night wrapped up tightly and me so happy and afraid at the same time. I knew I was developing feelings for you, but how could I know if you felt the same?


End file.
